冉云飞的《检讨我的2010年》翻译成英文

冉云飞先生是当代中国的杰出的作家。 因为他的思想跟中国执政党不一致, 他成了一个思想犯。我看了他的博客,推特与他送给我他的一本书之后,我不理解他的思想犯罪在那里。他今年春节写这篇探讨他一年来的工作有可能提供大家一些线索帮助我么了解到他为什么他是个思想犯。我还没发现冉云飞是个思想犯的理由。所不定虽然我是从很远的地方来, 我还是读不了这里的神圣的文件。

高大伟

检讨我的2010

冉云飞 @ 2011-2-3 14:08 阅读(4794) 评论(15) 推荐值(204) 引用通告 分类: 贡献常识

http://www.bullogger.com/blogs/ranyunfei/archives/374782.aspx

我每天有记日记和写博客的习惯,全当记事和练笔。博客上的练笔,不仅有利于自己,而且客观上能为社会有小小助益,是我之所愿。我没有什么远大的抱负,对政治从来都抱着胡适先生的“对政治是没有兴趣的兴趣”的态度。我对政治没有道德洁癖,只是个人对此并无兴趣,我认为政治并不比人类的其他领域更肮脏,前提是只要有比较好的制度的话。换言之,我最喜欢做的事,是读书、写作、旅游、饮酒,快意适己——这就像我有次接受丹麦一家电视台时所说,我的爱好并不在批评政府,在一个自由的国家我乐意一辈子在图书馆做研究——但我生在一个不能只做这些便可以安心的国家,没有办法,不对当下糟糕的社会现实做出自己的批评,就于心不安,就睡不好觉,就心有亏欠。

当然,话又说过来,批评政府及制度,其目的在于做一个自由的人,为自己的权益起而奋斗。这样说来,每个人都有为自己权益起而批评的义务与动机,都不应该寄望于别人来为自己争取权益。即你不为自己争取权益,不仅没有尽到自己照顾自己的责任,而且为社会带来了不少麻烦,从做人底线来看,自己是没能尽到责任的。但问题又在于,有些人缺乏批评政府、维护自己权利的能力,其根源在于政府的高压及愚弄,所以先觉者和受到较好教育的人,应该尽一点自己的良知与义务,不停努力,达成所有人维护自己权益的觉醒和能力的培养。

我不想圣化自己做事的动机,不想高看自己的所有努力,但也不低看自己的努力。我曾说自己为什么要为批评社会不公做出自己的努力,其原因在于从自身出发。若我不批评社会不公,是没有尽到一个公民应尽之责,即放任不公的蔓延,就是没有尽到自己作为一个公民或者知识分子的责任。自己没尽到责任,就把自己应尽之责推到别人头上去了,这是占了别人的便宜,这是我所不能心安理得的。因此我常常说我批评社会不公、制度不良、政府之恶,是为了自己内心平安。我一个人固然不能整体改变这个社会的态势,但这个社会再糟糕,我也尽了自己的努力,这是我为什么在问题丛生的中国,别人焦虑失眠、恐惧不安,我却能较平和的原因。因此为了减少自己的焦虑失眠和道德不安,就得尽量尽一份自己责任,而不把责任推给别人。一个民主自由制度的建立固然重要乃至是绝顶重要,但把争取民主自由当成自己一生修练,恐怕才使自己不至绝望而崩溃,这也就是我为什么赞赏胡适先生日拱一卒、功不唐捐的原因。即令我的努力没能见着民主自由的实现,也不枉我一生努力过,就像司徒华先生所谓:成功不必在我,成功我在其中。我很欣赏刘宾雁先生的墓志铭:躺在这里的中国人,说了他该说的话,做了他该做的事。我认为一个人能在独裁制度下坦然说出这样的话(或者得到这样的评价),本身就是一项不可企及的绝大成就。墓碑上能刻着这样的话,照耀着自己的往生,真是太给力了。

2010年自己所做之事不少,但并无多么了不起的成就,只是个人的一个留痕,绝不存拿来炫耀并指导别人的用心。我只是希望能坚持不懈,每天都在工作着,尽量在做自己喜欢的事,而事实上我大部时间亦能如此。

一:每日一博,不停地批评社会现实,实践我“日拱一卒,不期速成”的自我修练的理念。由于我今年住了半个月的院,因此今年是我写博客六年来,缺博较多的年份,大约有十五天没有写博客。我只期望自己能尽责,对社会有涓滴之助。

二:每天写日记。我交往各色人等比较广泛,所见人事和阅读书籍比较多,因此每日记下和反刍自己所作所为,作为留存于世的一点痕迹,于自己反思、回忆、检讨,总是比较有用的。

三:受惠于诸多NGO组织的努力,自己也参与他们做些微小的助益社会和扩大公民空间的事,自己颇受教益。这种教益不仅使我对NGO的认识更加深透,也更见深刻地理解到NGO对于一个正常的社会之重要。我曾说过,一个社会只知道胡适、鲁迅,固然重要,但还不够。必须知道晏阳初、陶行知等人的实践与努力,他们扩大了公民的行动空间。我希望中国更多的知识分子从较深的角度来认识NGO对中国社会转型的巨大作用,而不是对NGO仅停留于好人好事的认识上。这也就是为什么一直坚持编辑《公民社会与NGO发展周刊》的原因,可惜的是,至今有如此认识的人还不多。

四:写作了一本从经济、历史、社会角度来研究一座寺庙的书《古蜀之肺:大慈寺传》(我并没有探讨信仰问题,一来对此了解不多,二来探讨这个不容易出新意),在年后即能出版。给lonelyplanet《四川和重庆》一书撰写“历史部分”等长文十几篇,自己得到写作和研究的快乐。

五:继续搜集19002000之间的中国语文教材,使自藏语文教材增至几百种上几千册,将《百年中国语文教材变迁》的旨意和粗纲,基本写作完毕,并为2011年基本完成此书做足了前期准备。并为今年花城出版社即将编的四本民国语文教材,做一系列准备。

六:为自己六年的博客编两本文集,一本暂名为《中国的思想起义》,一本暂名为《中国的子弹在飞》,两本书的编辑工作仍未完毕,是为跨年度工作。

七:大约读书八十本,看电影五十部。这样的阅读和看碟量并不算大,因为今年杂事丛脞且有一两月在病中。

去年最高兴的事,是找到了失散多年的亲人。家人听到这件事,说上天眷顾我。我亦认为是如此,所以人之一生应当惜福。今年我期望的事是:

一:我希望家人健康平安,快乐高兴,特别是我的女儿能开心度过她的青春期。希望失散多年的亲人,能弥补前面未能往来的遗憾,常相往来,增进了解,爱与互助。

二:希望更多的人能吃饱饭、穿得暖和点,希望中国社会能有一些良性的改进,庶不至于社会的崩溃愈演愈烈。

三:希望自己的腰椎盘突出能有较大的改善,以便今年能完成编语文教材四册、写作《百年中国语文教材变迁》的工作。

四:希望用自己的知识和能力能做更多的公益之事,如给有关组织机构推荐书籍(承蒙立人乡村图书馆诸位不弃,正在做)、帮助建立和捐赠图书馆(此方面得到舍侄们的大力资助)、或者至需要的地方上文化课(如去年南方周末和普利斯通公司组织的“乡村审美教育”就很可我之意,我讲杜甫在夔州,助益了别人,自己也很享受)。但一切都要在不影响自己生活和工作的前提下。

2011231403分农历大年初一于成都

© 日拱一卒,不期速成。非商业性转载,请全文转载并署作者名。商业性使用,请联系作者。欢迎访问我的独立微博客 http://ranyunfei.shoutem.comranyunfei.shoutem.com 和推特:http://twitter.com/ranyunfei

—-  英文翻译 —–

检讨我的2010

冉云飞 @ 2011-2-3 14:08 阅读(4794) 评论(15) 推荐值(204) 引用通告 分类贡献常识

How I Lived My Life in the Year 2010

by Ran Yunfei

I have the habit of writing a diary and a blog every day. It is how I record everything and practice my writing. What I write on my blog isn’t just for my own benefit. I also hope that it can also help society in some small way. I have no great political ambitions, my attitude towards politics is that of Mr. Hu Shi — “I don’t have any interest in being interested in politics.” I don’t have any moral scruples against getting involved in politics. I am just not interested in it personally. I don’t believe that politics is dirtier than other fields of human endeavor, assuming that the political system is a fairly good one.

In other words, what I like best is to read books, write, travel, drink wine, and enjoying myself — as I said once in an interview with a Danish television station, what I really want to be doing is not criticizing the government. In a free country I would happily spend my life in the library doing research. But I live in a country where I cannot in good conscience merely live such a a life. I feel that I have no alternative. I have to voice my criticisms of our messed up social reality. Otherwise I would be uneasy. I would not be able to sleep well. I would feel that I was not paying my dues.

Naturally, as I just said, my reason for criticizing the government and the system is to be a free person to fight for my own rights. That is, every individual has for the sake of their own rights both the duty and the motivation to criticize. We should not expect other to stand up and fight for our own rights. If you do not fight for your own rights, you have failed not only in your responsibility to take care of yourself, but have created serious problems for society for you have, as a human being, failed to fulfill your own responsibilities. The problem is that some people lack the ability to criticize the government and to protect their own rights. The root of the problem is the government’s practice of oppressing and deceiving the people. Therefore people who have been able to see this clearly and people who have a better than average education have out their own good conscience and feelings of obligation, to keep working towards the goal that every will awaken to the need of defending their rights and have the ability to do so.

I don’t want to claim that there is some moral superiority in my motivations. I don’t want to exaggerate my own efforts but neither do I want to understate them. I explained before why I put such great effort into criticizing social injustice. The reason lies in myself. If I do not criticize social injustice, if I do not fulfill all my responsibilities as a citizen, then I will be allowing injustice to spread. If I did not criticize social injustice, I would not be fulfilling my responsibilities as a citizen and as an intellectual. If I did not fulfill my responsibilities, I would be passing the buck to someone else. That would be taking advantage of someone else. That I cannot in good conscience do. Therefore, I often criticize social injustice, the bad points of the system, and the evils of the government for the sake of my own inner peace.

As one individual, I cannot change the state of this society. Even if this society becomes worse, I will still make my best efforts. That is why I, in a China beset by a multitude of problems, other people are anxious, sleepless and fearful while can I can stay relatively calm and composed. Therefore, in order to reduce my own anxieties, sleeplessness and worry as well as any moral qualms, I must fulfill all my responsibilities and not foist them on other people. Constructing a system of freedom and democracy is not doubt important and perhaps indeed the most important thing of all. However, if I were to make achieving democracy and freedom the the goal of my life, I am afraid I would just leave myself disillusioned and broken down.

That is why I admire the saying of Mr. Hu Shi “If I give my all each day, it would all have been worthwhile” [ 日拱一卒,功不唐捐] . Even if I work hard for it but never life to see the achievement of democracy and freedom, I will not have spent my life struggling in vain. It is just as Mr. Szeto Wah says, “I don’t have to achieve the success but the success must be in me.” I admire the epitaph of Mr. Liu Binyan: “The Chinese buried here spoke the truth and did his duty.” I believe that a person who, living under a dictatorship, can speak those words (or can win such praise) has achieved something wonderful. If such a person can have such a epitaph engraved on their memorial tablet, illuminating one’s lives still yet to come, that surely would be a great encouragement.

During 2010 I did a lot of different things but didn’t have any great achievements. I just left a little trace of my passage, really, nothing glorious that could inspire the efforts of others. I just hope to be able to keep it up. I work every day, doing to the best of my ability what I want to be doing. Most of the time I am able to live that way.

1. I write a blog entry each day. I keep on criticizing the realities of our society in order to carry out my ideal of constantly perfecting myself through “Giving my all each day, and not expecting to achieve anything right away”. Since I spent half of this year in the hospital, this year I wrote fewer blog entries than in any of the past six years. It has been 15 days since I last wrote a blog entry. I expect to do what I can and to help society in my own small way.

2. I keep a diary each day. I meet many different kinds of people, see much of human affairs and read many books, so each day I write them down and think about them so as to leave a little trace of my passage through this life. This gives me a lot to reflect on, remember, and discuss. It is quite useful.

3. I have benefited from the efforts of many NGOs and so I too participate in the little things they do to help society and to enlarge the space for civil society. I learn a lot from them. This not only helps me understand NGOs better but also to better understand the importance of NGOs in a normal society. As I have said, it is important that our society knows Hu Shi and Lu Xun but this is not enough. Society also needs to know about the work and efforts of people like Yan Yangqu and Tao Xingzhi who have enlarged the space for civil society. I hope that more Chinese intellectuals will get a better understanding of the essential role of NGOs in the transformation of Chinese society. They need to understand more than that NGOs have good people who do good works. That is why I have continued editing the “Civil Society and NGO Development Weekly”. Unfortunately thus far few people know about it.

4. I have been writing a history of a Buddhist temple from the perspective of economics, history and society “The Lungs of Old Sichuan: The Story of Daci Temple” (I didn’t discuss religious faith, firstly because I don’t understand much about it and secondly because it would be hard to write about religion and come up with anything original), which will be published next year. I also enjoying writing and researching ten long articles for the history portion of the Lonely Planet “Guide to Sichuan and Chongqing”

5. I continue to collect Chinese language teaching materials for the period 1900 – 2000. My collection of Tibetan language teaching materials has increased from several hundred to several thousand volumes. I completed the plan, rough outline and draft of my book “Changes in a Hundred Years of Chinese Language Teaching Materials”. This will be the foundation for this book which I expect to basically complete writing in 2011. I also made some preparations for editing this year four primary school Chinese language teaching materials for the Huacheng Publishing House.

6. I have edited the last six years of my blog entries into a two volume collection with the working title “China’s Ideological Revolt”. One volume has the working title “Chinese Bullets are Flying”. I did not finish editing these two volumes so that work will carry over into this year.

7. I read about 80 books and saw 50 movies. That is really no great number because I was preoccupied with many odd jobs and trivial tasks and was ill for two months.

My greatest joy this year was getting back in touch with friends I had lost touch with over the years. When my family hears about these things, they say that God on high must be looking out for me. I think this is true too so I will be reserved in my enjoyment of my good fortune. This is what I hope for this year:

1. I hope that my family with be health, safe and happy and especially that my daughter can get through her adolescence happily. I hope that I will be able to make up for lost time with those friends I had lost track of for many years and that we can spend more time together, come to understand one another better, love and help one another.

2. I hope that more people will be able to eat their fill and dress more warmly and comfortably. I hope that Chinese society will come to have a better conscience and that the breakdown of society will not get worse and worse.

3. I hope that my protruding lumbar vertebra problem will get better so that I will be able to complete my work in editing the four Chinese language teaching materials and the writing of the book “Changes in a Hundred Years of Chinese Language Teaching Materials”.

4. I hope that I will be able to use my knowledge and abilities to do more for the public good such as recommending books for organizations (I haven’t given up my task of helping with the Chinese Rural Library [立人乡村图书馆] , I am working on it now), help establish and make contributions to libraries (I have gotten a lot of help from nephew in this area), and the badly need cultural classes in many localities (last year Southern Weekend and the Bridgestone Corporation organized a “Rural Classes on Aesthetics” in which I enthusiastically participated, I gave a class on Du Fu in Kuizhou and assisted some others to my own great pleasure. I participated in those activities to the extent that they did not interfere with my life and work.

February 3, 2011 at 1403, the Lunar New Year in Chengdu.

2011231403分农历大年初一于成都


This entry was posted in Famous Chinese Political Court Cases 中国政治名案, Literature 文学, Society 社会. Bookmark the permalink.

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